Start of Something New

“Now you know, I’ve been crazy for you all this time, I’ve kept it close, always hoping, with a heart on fire” Heart On Fire: Jonathan Clay

So, I tend to talk a lot..and turns out some of my friends know about this now, which although they know most of this is kind of awkward.. so if you guys are reading this then…yeah, awkward.

Anyways I have been spending the last couple of nights in my room, listening to music, and reading articles online with titles like “10 ways to get your crush to ask you out”. Which sounds desperate, it’s not, it’s informative. Obviously since I run a blog with a title like this one I could use the information. What I’ve realized though, is that I’ve read most of these articles and could recite them..so knowing the information is not an issue, it must be the application part that I have some issues with..hmm..

That’s why I’ve really been enjoying what’s happening with this new guy, well nothings really happening..but I love the fact that everything is new. I don’t know much about him, or him about me, it’s like a fresh new start, and it feels awesome. 

I often wonder if anyone else relates to these posts, or if they’re just my own pointless stories..leave a comment and let me know what you think.

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November 25, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

“I Swear He Loves You..”

“If you don’t want to take it slow, and you just want to take me home..yeah, yeah, yeah..and let me kiss you” Kiss You: One Direction

If anyone’s read my bio, then you know I’m a HUUUGE one direction fan. So to begin with I’m already ecstatic because I’ve heard the new cd and it.is.AMAZING. so it’s been a good week so far…Anyways, interesting things happening on the single front. My good friend is convinced that her friend is ‘in love with me’ as she said today. This is aye-ok with me if I’m being honest. I don’t totally know him yet but I sit next to him in class and we talk a lot more now and he seems really cool so..good.

She was telling me a story yesterday how she saw him over the weekend and in front of all his friends plain out asked him if he liked me. What you have to understand is that this is total normal for her..I actually knew that this would happen, I just didn’t think it would happen this quickly. It’s been like two weeks…I don’t want anything to rush because it was progressing nicely as it was. I’m not mad though, I think it’s actually pretty funny because I’m just going with the flow with this thing. The poor kid was probably really embarrassed…at least I wasn’t there.

There are so many stories I could get into with this thing, but there’s the one for the night. We’ll see where it goes..if anywhere. Now excuse me I’m going to go listen to the new 1D cd for the hundredth time..no shame ❤

November 6, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Like We’re Made of Starlight

“This hope is treacherous, this daydream is dangerous, this hope is treacherous, I, I, I… I like it..” Treacherous, Taylor Swift 

I’ve decided it’s time for a fresh start! First of all a fresh start here. I don’t know if anyone’s going to notice but I changed the look of the page to symbolize a new beginning almost..plus I just didn’t like the old one. I’m seriously considering deleting some old posts because re-reading them they are way more dramatic than necessary..but then I say that that’s how I felt at the time so I think I’ll keep them. Also from now on I’m going to be posting more often! If anyone wanted to tell their friends about this blog too then I wouldn’t mind… 🙂

Another fresh start I decided to embark on last night. Last night was our homecoming dance and it was seriously one of the best dances I’ve been to in a long time. It made me realize something pretty big. It’s time to get over last year. It’s time to stop thinking about the two who have been the center points of the previous posts. We’ll be friends and that’s it, because I’m done putting energy into something that isn’t going to happen. Since I’ve realized this I’ve been feeling pretty amazing I won’t lie. Another thing I learned last night is that it’s good to go out and talk to other people and become friends with them. It opens a lot of new opportunities.

So to finish it off, I’m moving on and posting more. I created this blog to follow my adventures through being a single teenager into hopefully something more..although there’s a good chance that won’t happen soon..but I guess you never know!

October 28, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

It Is What It Is

“And I got no plans, for the weekend, so should we speak then? Keep it between friends?” Drunk, Ed Sheeran

So it’s been a while. A long while. School has started, field hockey has started..homework has started, meaning things are pretty busy at the moment. But I’m still running this thing good and strong. Anyway I’m not really sure what to write about at the moment, but I wanted to post something…anything.

School’s good so far, but I think I like last year better. Just the overall class make-up of my classes…and my classes with umm..C. Yeah. I don’t have any classes with him which is weird, I really only see him in the morning, after school or in bi-weekly homerooms. This is either 1. a good thing or 2. a bad thing.

Taking it in the negative, no hope type way, it could be a bad thing that I don’t see him anymore. Which is pretty self explanatory I think. He might just forget everything maybe? Or it’s a good thing. It could make him think about last year and who knows, maybe miss it? I choose to pick this idea, and keep that in mind. I guess everything will just happen when it happens.

So that’s that right now. Not very exciting but true.

September 15, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Nothing’s Fine I’m Torn

“Saying that  I quit but it’s just not true, I say I don’t like it but you know I do.” Bad For Me, Megan & Liz

I’m conflicted. I hate when times like these happen when I can’t even tell what I’m thinking. I try to convince myself of one thing but deep down I’m not buying it? Or maybe I am? I know what I should do, what’s probably best, but for some reason my mind is deciding not to go with the best option, or maybe my heart is deciding. That sounds cheesy.

My last post was about me being all happy because C had finally texted me, and in my mind everything was normal again and we were friends. That’s all good and what not but then the other day occurred. We were driving back from Chicago which was like a 16 and a half hour drive. So around hour 12, I decided I was going to text him, because he said last time that he promised to reply if I texted him. And I was bored. Anyway I texted him asking ‘what’s up’ and he responded. So I was like ‘good, maybe this will help make the drive better,’ and I texted him back. Then I never got another reply. That was it. So he still kept his promise because he did respond that once, but then never again.

I keep trying to convince myself that it’s better to just be friends, and that’s where I need to be because that’s what he thinks of us as. Which is somewhat cool because I love being friends with him but I know in my head that that’s all it will most likely ever be. Last year he pretty much knew I liked him, and one of his best friends was encouraging it, and nothing ever happened besides some intense awkwardness. So I know that just being friends with him is the best option but I still over analyze and over think everything like I used to do when I liked him. I don’t really want to like him because that’s kind of a waste of time and didn’t lead to anything good last year, but I still do? I have no idea.

Tonight my friends were trying to come up with people that would be good for me to go out with, (are we the only ones who play this game?) and I was totally up for it. I keep joking about this older guy I’d like to go out with and get excited over the possibility of attractive new guys in our grade, but I kept thinking of C in the back of my mind. And I.don’t.want.to. Although maybe I do. I still can;t figure out what’s going on. This post is all over the place, but that’s exactly how I’m feeling about this right now, so it fits. Sorry if I confused you…

August 15, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

The Little Things

So I had a really nice post written before, and then it got deleted. I’ll probably write it again, but instead I decided to post something else right now. I wrote this a couple nights ago and meant to post it, so here it is..

 

“When you walked in the room I thought I’d forgotten you, turns out that isn’t true after all,” C’mon C’mon, Olly Murs

It’s 1:30 in the morning, I have to get up early tomorrow, and I can’t sleep. Why? Because of something that would be considered small to everyone else, but big to me, a text message. From A. (not the pretty little liars A..that’s confusing, so I’m changing the codename to C) Just a text, or maybe the text.

At my friend’s house tonight we may or may not have prank called some people…meaning… we did. I’d never prank called anyone and this was hilarious. Turns out one of the people my friend decided to prank call was C. I would say that this started it all off. You probably think I’m crazy for getting excited over a little text, and I am, but this text had more of a meaning. Things got really awkward between us at the end of the school year, and we hadn’t talked all summer. To him this meant nothing I’m sure, but I tend to overthink everything. I felt like the friendship I spent all year building was fading, but this text brought it back.

The actual substance of the conversation wasn’t much, pretty much just about what we’d done over the summer blah blah blah. But it lasted for a good hour and a half..again, sounds like nothing, but it was something. It reminded me of why I cared so much in the first place and quickly we slipped back into our easy going banter. He promised to text me back again and maybe somewhat jokingly said he’d text me again in a few days. (which he hasn’t so whatever. I texted him, he texted back once, and that was it soo..) 

I titled this post “The Little Things” A. because I’ve always wanted to call something that and B. a text isn’t a huge deal and her I go again making it greater than it is. But what is great is the feeling i have, the happy-ok-we’re-still-friends type feeling. (I don’t think that’s a real feeling..) But again, to him we were always still friends, I may dramatictize things every now and then. I don’t know if I still like him ‘like that’ or like him as friends, but at least the options there. I was never one for prank calls but after tonight I may give them a chance. And yes…we did eventually tell him it was us.

August 14, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

How Hard is ‘Hey’?

“It’s when you walk right by that I try for recognition, but I’m looking like a fool, you’re making single my position.” Crush on You, Peyton Sanders ft. Austin Mahone 

Hi. Hey. What’s up. Simple words that tend to require a great deal of thought.These thoughts can come from multiple people I’ve realized. They can come from the one that says them. That person could be thinking “should I say it to him/her? How will they respond?” or the person they’re said to, “why are they talking to me? Do they mean anything more by that?”. Most people probably wouldn’t do this, but I tend to be a person who over thinks things..a lot.

Anyway, here comes another story involving A and B. (if you’re unaware of what that means, re-read my post ‘BGF or BF?’) A few weeks ago I was in the car with one of them on my way to sports practice with his sister who is on my team. I jumped in the car when they picked me up and gave the usual greeting of ‘hey’. It was a a while since I had seen them so it was a pretty good day. The drive was about 15/20 minutes to the field and in that time he did not say one word to me, not.a.single.word. Maybe that’s not unusual, but after hanging out all during school I expected at least a simple ‘hey’ which I did not receive. Not to mention it was very uncharacteristic considering he took every opportunity given to make fun of me. Strange.

Also a few weeks ago my cousin encouraged me to text A just saying that we haven’t talked in a while and how was his summer going? A perfectly acceptable text. A text I’m still waiting to get the response from. Sure he isn’t the best with his phone but I’ve always gotten a reply and we’ve talked often. I miss talking with him and would be happy with a simple ‘hey’.

I read a quote that said, “Guys have no idea how long something they say can stay in a girls mind’ but sometimes it isn’t just what they said but what was unsaid that also stays.

July 27, 2012. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

BGF or BF?

“If I asked you out, would you smile and say yes? If I held your hand, would you tell all your friends? If I sang you a song, would you ask me to sing it again? Or maybe we should just be friends.” -Just Friends, Shane Harper

I would like to put on record that I’m not someone who stays in every night or has a limited number of friends. I play sports, I can talk to nearly anyone and well, I’m not hard on the eyes. So that leads me to often question, “why have I never been in a relationship?” I’ve slow danced at school dances and am friends with guys…but that seems to be where it ends. I’m not desperate but I’m not afraid of being in a relationship. More than once I have had the same thouhgt, “this is it, he’s going to ask me out” and..he doesn’t. It ususally turns into a question about the homework. Needless to say, I continue to stay in a dreaded place, the Freind Zone, dun dun dun..

A few years ago one of my good friends told me, “just make sure you don’t get stuck in the friend zone.”I didn’t think much of this besides the fact that I’d rather not end up there. Sure enough that’s where I’ve been the past year. I think it’s great being friends with guys, they don’t overthink every little thing and theres generally less drama, and when there is, it’s resolved within minutes. But what happens when you start to fall for your guy friend? I can personally say that most of the time the only thing that comes from that is awkwardness. If you’re one of those people who has turned their friendship into a relationship good for you that’s wonderful..but I’m not that lucky.

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This past year specifically I hung out with these two guys, let’s call them A and B. B and I had already had some history meaning that he liked me when we were younger. Would I have said yes if he had actually asked me out? I would have liked to, but we were only in elementary school. A and I were already friends for a couple years. We hung out in class, joked around, they made fun of me and I laughed along with it, they’re funny guys. We would text here and there and be parnters in class. I felt completely myself around them and didn’t feel like I had to overthink the way I acted around them. Even my mom said, “I think you’re more yourself around them then you are around some girls,” and it was true. Anyway let’s just say I started to like one of the, or both of them, I went back and forth before I decided that I really liked only one of them. And that’s when I started ruining the great friendship I had been building all year.

I thought it might be useful to understand why I’m writing this blog, and this past year has a lot to do with it. Why do I feel it necessary to detail my past year’s love life? Because I learned a lot from it. 1. Just because someone acts like they like you doesn’t mean it’s true. They could just be a big flirt. 2. It’s tough deciding whether or not to tell them, there’s a potential friendship at risk. I tried to drop small hints, but some guys are just plain oblivious. 3. If you tell your other guy friend and he promises not to tell the guy you like, theres a 99% chance he really will tell him. 4. Liking a guy friend usually changes how you act around them, and not always in a good way. 5. It’s a fine line between supporting them around others girls and becoming too jealous.. that’s never ever good. 6. Even if he constantly tells you how he thinks he’ll never get a girlfriend he still might not ask you out. Maybe he still thinks of you as just a friend, or again, is just plain oblivious. 7. If he doesn’t like you do the best you can to return to the easy going friendship.

I’ve found this to be a major point in my non-exsistent love life, the fact that I seem to always end up staying ‘just a friend’. Guy friends are great, falling for a guy friend, not so great.

July 24, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

I’ll Learn to Take the Good with The Bad

What teenager has a blog inspired by a classic ’50s song? The same one that has never had a boyfriend, or even gone on a simple date. In other words, me. My life consists of many other aspects, school, friends, family, sports, and all categories are full and successful.. The only one that is lacking is the one that’s supposed to pick up around this age, my love life. That aspect of my life is non-existent, or so I tell anyone who asks.

I created this blog as a way to get a different perspective as to why my love life as been uneventful. Also to hear relateable stories from others and to hear their opinion. I aim to detail the events and hopeful progress in this area of my teenage life, and hopefully to express something that others can relate to.

July 24, 2012. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

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